i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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