I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
