My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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