you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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