GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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