when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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