Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
