I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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