Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
