Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
