I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
