my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
