Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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