After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
