Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
