If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
