my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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