I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
