he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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