I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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