she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just want to make out with him forever
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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