im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
