Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
