When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
