My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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