omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
