I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
