dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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