Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
