As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
