is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize