we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Randomize
