Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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