somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
