Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize