I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
