This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
