Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
