i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
