I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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