If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize