I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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