You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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