I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
