Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
