I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
