I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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