You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
