if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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