I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
