I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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