i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
