and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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