I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
