When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
