Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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