I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This is not my ceiling
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
