I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
