yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
