Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
