i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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