She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
