I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize