im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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