3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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