Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
