He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
