I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
