There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
