I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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