I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
