A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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