have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
