If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
