I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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