i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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