i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
