I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
