just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
