you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
