saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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