K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
