Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
