Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
