he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
