I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
