If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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