just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
