It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
