Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
