The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
