I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
