first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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