How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
