just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
