I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
