Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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