Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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